I had forgotten to post the first copy of this letter, which came right at the end of last month. With the reminder that I suck repeated word-for-word in my inbox this evening, I think it’s best that I waited. This way I don’t have to show you the same thing twice.
Also, I’d like to remind those of you who aren’t crazy that all writers are masochists, and you shouldn’t feel bad for us when publishers tell us how unfit for public display our work is–we like it. Ooooh, yeah. Rejection is a good hurt. (for optimum rejection experience, read this, then wait a month and read it again)
Dear Adrienne,
Thank you for submitting “[title deleted]“. We won’t be publishing this piece, but we appreciated the opportunity to read your work! Because we read so many stories, it is not possible for us to give specific feedback, but, if you’re a relative beginner, you may find something of interest here: [link to nicely-worded letter about how even crappy writers should keep writing, even if it is all crap, which it is, but don't be sad]
Thank you,
[publication]
It’s even better when they say they like your work, but they want a different angle and how about a re-write. Then your work is rejected because the angle wasn’t original enough. Then you realize they’re right.
Sometimes I like sending in short stories about people with amnesia who are trying to discover their forgotten past just so I can get that rejection high lol.
I think I’m going to start writing stories from the PoV of inanimate objects that are completely unrelated to the topic and plot. My first installment will be “Your Refrigerator Disapproves of Your Current Relationship.”
lol that actually might be interesting. The refrigerator would be insightful but at times seem very cold.
That’s it, I’m doing it. Second installment: “The Toaster Wants You to STFU.” lol
Don’t listen to their crap! You are awesome! You’re the mothereffin Crezonator!